Anxiety at the gym

Anxiety. Its all about mind control. 

OMG everyone is looking at me! 

What if i cant do the exercise?

What if my bum sweat is on the seat?

Why are they looking at me?

What if i injure myself and have to go to hospital and everyone sees?

IF you havent said something like this when you walk in the gym, then your a confident gym bunny... and if you have then maybe you have a little bit of social anxiety in the gym?

All i know is i had bad anxieites when i started going to the gym. When i say bad i mean, id drive to the gym then id drive straight home, or id go in the gym and then go and hide and cry, i even once pretended i felt sick and just got my stuff and left.

Ive never been small and always loved food BUT a few years of my life lets say from 21-27 i had some very unpleasant relationships, a hard time finding myself and ultimatley just struggling with life. I turned to food as a comfort (many of us do) and over time just piled on the pounds without even realising. So once i decided to change my life, i felt like i had no idea what i was doing. ANXIETY STRUCK!

My weight always held me back. Socially, at work and in relationships. The experience in relationships i had broke me down and i ended up losing all my self worth, confidence and purpose. My friends and family were always my biggest support, but when your that far down in your mind, nothing can bring you up because you dont know why you're there. I suffered from bad skin conditions, lost my job and became ill because of the stress and anxiety which ultimately made everything a lot worse. It was a vicious cycle. stress...illness...food...weight gain...stress...illness...food... weightgain etc etc. Being bigger held me back because i had no confidence in myself which is the worst place to be.

However, i really dont regret or get upset from the past because it really has made me a stronger person today. Whatever path your on, whoever is in your life right now and whatever happens next, it can always be changed because as humans, we are very lucky to be able to manipulate our lives and make it the way we want it to be.

What made me anxious in the first place your probably thinking?

A BOY LOL.....The funny thing is, i had one comment when i was 10 years old where a boy at school said i had 'double knees' and i have never worn shorts or a dress above my knees for that reason. However, ive never had any nasty comments even when i was at my biggest, in fact the complete opposite. Sometimes you dont see what others see in you and thats always been my issue. After losing 4 stone last year, i actually had a comment when i was out and someone called me fat which did for a moment kick my confidence because after losing all that weight and for only now someone to comment on my appearance, i was completely confused. I also plucked up the courage to wear a shorter dress that evening, but i didnt feel comfortable and to get a comment like that was awful for me. For me, that comment as a young girl obviously stuck in my mind and as i grew up, relationships with boys were not too pleasant for me. Toxic relationships that made me feel selfless and worth nothing were a normal thing for me. Jealous men who didnt want me to have fun or have any friends, they just kept coming along.  I then realised that the only way i would ever be happy was to start loving myself and using everyday to make myself a better person. After the last episode of controlling, and manipoulative behaviour i decided enough was enough for me, either i stay single or wait until someone comes into my life who will support me, grow with me and bring out the best in me.  Without my friends and family though i would never had built up the confidence i have right now. Support is so important. After a few years i am still single and thank god for that becuase im really starting to love myself, YAY.

I met someone a few years ago who introduced me to the law of attraction, it's the one belief I fall back to every time that keeps me positive. Please please read this if you havent yet. I will never forget what my friend said to me when he gave it to me, 'if you can see it and believe it, then you can achieve it'. From that day forward and after completing this book, i now know why everything happens in my life. If its rubbish, i know why, if its good, i know why, its all about controlling your thoughts. You can make the rest of your life the best of your life.

What made me change my life a year ago?

I remember i completed my makeup artistry course in London and looked at some pictures and realised i was so unhappy everytime i looked in the mirror. When i was sitting in front of the mirror doing practical work for my course, i found it hard to look at myself without cringing. Travelling to london everyday, sweating on the tube and feeling so uncomfortable just got the best of me. Id look at instagram and other social media and be inspired by fitness models such as Tamra Dae and really wanted to believe i could be like that. In December 2015 i met one of my closest friends now and he encouraged me to go to the gym. He said he could help me and i could be whatever i wanted to be. It was wierd because people had said it to me before, but the fact that he was completely ripped and obviously knew what he was doing at the gym , gave me some hope. I wanted to be something that people thought id never be, but mainly i wanted to prove to myself that this was it, and this oppurtunity was too good. Funny enough one of best mates Danielle said to me a couple of months in, 'this time you're going to do it, ive got a feeling' and she was right. She was there for me through all the bad times and this time she knew i was serious and something in my mind had changed. A year later she is still saying ' i knew you would do it' and supporting me constantly. Im lucky that i have friends who have supported me the whole way through (minus the couple that have jealousy issues etc) that was expected.

My guy friend Jack, helped my get through my anxieties in the gym but also helped me believe in myself. A few months later i met my friend rachel (Bella) who has also been my rock for the last 7 months. We believe in eachother, we push eachother and we have become family. 

The gym: XERCISE4LESS(Milton Keynes)

The gym itself is big and also has a womans only section. I started off in that area because there was a max of 5 people in there everytime i went. This helped me get used to walking into the gym and the machines. Walking into the gym was probably the hardest thing for me back then, because it was like another world. I had one training session with a PT and that helped me with understanding what my body could do and where i wanted to go with this journey. I still talk to him now and he is amazed at my changes and dedication. I know a lot of the staff there now and everyone is always welcoming. I think the gym has everything i need and it set out really well for everyone. Xercise4less is a community and I have made so many friends there, I go there even when I'm stressed and walk out smiling.Xercise4less also has a great support network on thier app, website and social media sites. Currently they are running a competition which is great for motivation and gives you another reason to be a better you. FINGERS crossed i win and get to go to my dream destination ....NYC.

My goals now
I still have a few stone to drop in body fat, however i want to keep my shape and have been weight training since day one which has been perfect for me because i now love my shape. I want to lose the excess fat and tone up. Id love to inspire and show woman that anyone can do it. My goal this year is to inspire, lose more weight, tone up, see some abs and hopefully become a fitness model. I am a normal woman, i dont want to be that woman who looks different in the magazines or wants to be a size 6. I want to keep my womanly curves and i want to show the world that anyone can do this. I feel so much happier in myself now and things can only get better from here.

Anxiety at the gym can be a barrier but if you keep going and take day by day, workout by workout, soon it will dissapear. Dont get me wrong i still feel wierd in the gym sometimes, but nowhere near as bad as i was. Having a gym buddy or a few people you can go to the gym with, makes it so much easier.  Grab the girls, join together, go to some classes or get a PT session together. The more you try the easier it will be to find your prefered style of training.

TIPS TO HELP WITH GYM ANXIETY

Go with a friend...or 2

Try a couple of classes

Book a PT session

Wear headphones and focus on yourself

Breathe deeply before entering the gym

Go at quieter times to begin with

Talk to people if you need help (People love to help)

Make new friends

Set your goals.....then smash them (FOCUS IS KEY)

REMEMBER..... everyone is in their for themselves :) 

Ciao for now,

Bella

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Me and jack as reindeers LOL

Me and Bella xxxxx