Jealousy is a disease....Get well soon

'She's so beautiful' 

'Bitch please, your contour looks like my dirty wellies'

'I love your figure, you inspire me'

'Women with muscles look like men'

'Toned women are so sexy'

 What does jealousy mean? 'I want what you have'

Sound somewhat familiar? My intention of this blog, is to help women and men to understand that your body goals should be about becoming the best version of yourself, and not to fit into the social norm that everyone is striving to be, just because of the 'trend' or what celebrities are doing to create a body that's unobtainable to most people. A big problem we have today is that jealousy and admiration have a very thin line between them and I just want to express how this makes me feel and one way that we can control jealousy and turn it into something positive. Wanting what others have is normal, but creating a unique self and having your own inspirations and ambitions is important too.

In an ideal world, we would be complementing, supporting and enjoying life with the people around us. But we don't, and we are all guilty of being jealous at some point in our lives. Unless you were brought up in a confined space with no contact to social media, media and different groups of people, then I’m pretty sure you have been jealous or experienced jealousy in one way or another.

Ok. So maybe it isn’t a disease as such, but we all experience jealousy at some point and if you let it take over you... well let's just say it's not good for you or anyone around you. However, a little jealousy is healthy because it is an important emotion that lets you know that a relationship or situation needs attending to. This may be in the form of working on your own insecurities or discussing issues with a friend, partner etc. It is healthy because it offers you a chance to connect with yourself and improve on yourself.

I know that this blog will appeal more to woman as it seems to be more of an issue today between females of all ages. As social media expands and expectations increase, women are finding it hard to keep up with the trends and expectations.

The list is massive but here are some examples where jealousy is formed:

• Instagram - Women are photo shopping pictures to be 'ideal' for the audience
• YouTube - Channels focussing on the current trend, using young girls to advertise 
• Reality TV programmes showing the lives of wealthy women
• young female music groups - wearing erm...not much

Social media as a whole! - We can see everyone lives on one device - is it a true reflection of their lives though? I say women; just because I am a woman I see it every day for myself. I'm sure it has become an issue for men also. People strive for unobtainable goals. Trends change daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Woman even go to extremes to fit in with the social norm, rather than just accepting who they are and becoming the best version of themselves. The negative effect that social media has on people is creating insecurities and jealousy without a doubt.

In my experience and on my weight loss journey, I have developed a mindset that is based on becoming a better me. Yes I look at instagram models and Fitness Videos on YouTube and yes sometimes I think 'wow, she looks good, guess that works'. But when I think outside the box, I use these images and videos to inspire me and keep me motivated. But, I do have days where I lose motivation, control and a clear mindset and that's because I’m human. I accept those days because without them days I wouldn’t be able to correct myself and grow.

My shape has actually become a trend recently. A Small waist, big bum and thighs. However, when I began my journey I didn’t look to see what was on trend, I simply knew I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body and needed something to change because my confidence was low and clothes did not fit me how I wished they would. If you have read any of my other blogs, you will know that body confidence can be affected in relationships too. As expectations grow, it seems that the man’s 'ideal woman' becomes somewhat unrealistic too. For example, a recent relationship I had which didn’t go very far was in fact based on expectations. 

The guy I was seeing actually thought he was a lot better than me and when I mean a lot better, I mean he thought he could do my job with his eyes closed and I have so much free time that I clearly don't have any ambitions or life goals to work on,LOL. Yes, it hurt a lot and I had the jealousy bug when I found out he was already moving on, but coming out the other side I just realised that some people are judgemental and selfish and we don't all think the same. I've had my fair share of men who have made me feel like I’m nothing and made me feel like I’m not beautiful enough, but I’m glad I have met these men because it has made me a stronger woman. 

What I’m really trying to say is that everyone of us is unique and if you just take a few minutes a day to be grateful to be alive and realise that everything you do to improve your wellbeing, fitness, knowledge etc, will make you a better person than you were the day before. That's all that matters. We live in a world full of competition, jealousy, fear and so many other negative ways of living that if we just switched these habits to something positive we would be able to support and connect a lot better. After all, we all are born, we live our lives and then we die. So make it worthwhile.

USE YOUR GREEN EYED MONSTER AS A MOTIVATOR

 As I mentioned before, a little jealousy can be healthy in all aspects of life. In regards to body confidence, other women and self growth, it is easier to accept it when jealousy comes around. For example, recently I kept seeing the same girl at the gym that had an amazing body and I really admired her for all her hard work. I did realise I was a little bit jealous of her success, but what I did was took the emotion, admitted to myself that I had it, changed it to motivation and used my emotions to fuel my willpower. I also approached the girl at one point because I needed to use the equipment she was using and asked her how long she would be. To my surprise, she looked at me like she wanted to kill me and was extremely rude. This encounter completely changed my view of this girl, because as they say, an ugly personality can make you an ugly person. I still admire her for her hard work but it made me realise that her arrogance and attitude towards other people was a bad trait to have. I would rather be working hard on myself and reaching for my own personal goals than wasting time with the jealous emotion on someone who wouldn’t even appreciate my admiration of theirs. 

Another example of jealousy is when someone is constantly putting you down and judging your life. This places the jealousy on their head. For another person to put you down and target you in a negative way, it means they are not happy with themselves, and have their own insecurities shadowing them. So remember that, because when I’ve experienced this in the past, it's hurt me and the other person has achieved what they wanted which is for me to feel bad about myself which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. However, if it happens to me now, I use their jealousy to motivate me. Their green eyed monster will not defeat me anymore. Again, I look at what I do have; I work on my own goals and make sure that I am creating a better version of myself every day. 

So next time you feel your green eyes monster boiling up, turn the heat down and reconnect with yourself. Step outside the box and really look at why your experiencing this emotion. Work on your own goals and your own happiness because that is what is important. Use your monster to motivate you and improve yourself. When browsing social media and watching TV, appreciate the hard work that your inspirations put in to look how they do. The more you appreciate them and yourself the better you will improve your own self love. 

FOCUS ON YOU..IT'S IMPORTANT

Ciao for now,

Bella xxxxxxxx

Mental Challenges

 Mental challenges are normal. We are all human and we all face barriers whether we admit it or not. 

NB. This is a long one but it may help you ..please read all the way through 

 

I wanted to write this blog based on my own mental experiences, not only through my weightloss journey but throughout my life. I know that a lot of people will be able to relate to a lot of the issues i touch on and i just want to make people aware that they are not alone. I will touch on my personal experiences with depression, anxiety and fear. I know this all sounds negative, but what i have learnt is that mental challenges in life make you stronger. Turning them into a positive is the best way to deal with them. Please don't read this negatively, i want you to know it helped me become a better person. I am still growing, still learning and still looking forward to the great things that are to come in my life. 

Where to begin? OK, so a lot of my mental challenges have all come down to relationships. My first long term relationship was when i was 13 until 17, this was puppy love and to be honest had no real effect on my life apart from experiencing what it is like to care and appreciate another person. We broke up on mutual grounds and there was no heartbreak. I then got into a relationship when i was 18 and we broke up when i was 21. Now this was where my mental challenges in relationships began. I met this guy on a night out and things escalated very quickly. We moved in together, we got engaged and we never spent a night apart. This was a recipe for disaster. At the beginning of the relationship i had finished my A levels and it was time to choose a university and move forward with my life. At the time i did not think i was in a controlling relationship, but since i studied English and Drama at A level i wanted to go into performing arts or something similar when i went to university. However, the closest university to home was Northampton, my boyfriend wanted to move to Northampton and the only subject that he was happy with me studying was Criminology. How odd... i studied something that was completely different to my interests and we moved in together right near the university. During my time at university i worked as a front of house manager at a health club, i went home every night to study, cook and clean and attended lectures when i needed to. This was not the UNI LIFE i had dreamt of. However, i was so brain washed into this relationship, that i would just do anything my boyfriend said. I thought that being in love was spending time with my boyfriend, making him happy and whatever else my mind agreed to.

As time went on i began to feel really lonely and i didn’t know why. I didn’t see my friends anymore, i never went out or joined any social clubs at uni and i just didn’t feel like this was the way my life should be. I was doing really well at uni and i spent a lot of time with my boyfriend and his family, but i knew something wasn’t right. One day after 3 years in this relationship, i woke up and i physically could not stop crying. I didn’t know why, i couldn’t think properly and no one else knew how to stop me crying. I booked an appointment at the doctors a few days after this and i was diagnosed with depression within about 5 minutes. When you don't know that is wrong, when you can't smile and when no one seems to be able to help, it is the most scary experience you can imagine. I began to resent my boyfriend, i hated everything about him, his voice, his looks, what he did etc. I couldn’t bare the thought of him touching me. I even sneaked onto the sofa at night so i didn’t have to be near him. The doctor gave me some anti depressants which began to work after a few weeks. My mood started to lift and i felt like i was getting back to normal. However, on my 21st birthday, my boyfriend proposed to me. I cried and i cried and i cried and i said YES. To this day i couldn’t tell you why i said yes, i assume i was continuing with the idea that i needed to do what would make him happy. I had lost all self worth, all my self confidence and i didn’t have an identity. 

About a month after the proposal i woke up one morning and again started to cry. I looked at my boyfriend and i just knew i had to leave. He went to work that morning and without even a second thought i called my mum and told her i was coming home and that i couldn’t be with him anymore. I then called him and told him i was going to stay with my mum and he thought i was joking. Bare in mind i never stayed away from him in the 3 years, this was a complete joke to him. I hung up and started to pack my things. I managed to pack nearly everything that day and went back to my mums whilst he was at work. He called me later on that day and i told him it was over. I had only realised that day that all the depression and upset was a result of being in a controlling relationship for 3 years. I was oblivious to what was happening. When i came to the realisation of what had happened over the years, i was relieved that i could now get my life back together. I contacted all my friends and to my surprise they were happy i had left him. I am very grateful now that i have such loyal friends, a caring family  and there was help for me when i needed it. 

As for the degree, i gained a 2:1 in criminology. I admit this is not what i wanted to study but I’m grateful that i had the opportunity to study. As most of you will know i am now a makeup artist but my degree has come in handy on occasions. It took me a while to get back on my feet and regain some sort of self worth but i have been lucky to have support and amazing people in my life. I must admit, i went a bit crazy with the partying after the break up, but why the hell not i was a free bird, i could do what i wanted. So many opportunities came up for me after that relationship and it really did show me that removing negativity will always bring you positivity.

However, it was not long after that i was faced with another mental challenge in relationships. Whilst i was working at the health club, i met a guy who was member and we hit it off like a house on fire. We would spend time together, talk for hours and became really close. It all seemed pretty perfect after a few months but my biggest nightmare was waiting just around the corner. One evening after attending a party with my new boyfriend, i was sleeping only to be woken up by him telling me something bad was going to happen to me if i moved. This was the scariest thing i had ever experienced since the morning i woke up in tears. I kept asking him what he was talking about but he grew angrier by the minute. I got up, turned on the light and he just burst into tears. I couldn’t understand what was happening until he revealed that he hears voices in his head and that the voice was telling him to hurt me. At first, i didn’t know what to do, i mean honestly who would in this situation?

I calmed him down and reassured him that i was would be there for him no matter what and that i would help him through this. For a while after, we would sit for hours talking and trying to figure out how to deal with this. But, this was just not enough. I did my own research and i knew he had schizophrenia and that he would need professional help. The problem was that no one else knew about this and he had never been able to tell anyone until this moment. He began to start threatening me, that if i told anyone then 'the voice’ would demand him to hurt me. I was scared, but i knew he needed help. I managed to get him to the doctors where he explained everything and it all seemed to be a start to the recovery. However, his 'voice' hated me and to my surprise the relationship took a turn for the worst. In my eyes, i was trying to help and to care for him, but when someone is mentally ill like this, they do not think. I had to remove myself from the relationship because it was starting to scare me. The mental challenge that i had to cope with here was beyond hard. I cared and loved this person, and unbeknown to me, there was another personality i had to fight with. I felt like i had lost the battle and the only option was to walk away. My kind heart and my instinct to help others, did not benefit me in this relationship. I learnt from this that you cannot help others if they are not willing to help themselves or if the problem is so big that the only option is professional help. 

After that challenge i took some time to think and focus on myself. I had been promoted at the gym, met loads of new friends and was beginning to focus on what i really wanted in life. Until, i met my next mental challenge. By far, this was the hardest of them all. You’re probably thinking how could I possibly get into anything else that would challenge me so soon, but as you will see, these three relationships were completely different, I had met the wrong people for me. Humans are interesting and compatibility is important!

Another relationship. What was i thinking? This time, the relationship involved mental abuse, physical abuse and control. But not only that, i had to deal with religious barriers, lies, deceit and worst of all i had only just got my own place and started a new job. Unbeknown to me, i was getting into a pretty sticky situation. But as we all know, love is blind and feelings are a disease HAHA. I admit, i hadn’t learnt from previous experiences, but that's because so much had happened that i thought i was doing the right thing. This guy was different, he had humour, he was outgoing, he had loads of friends and we always had a laugh. Drinking, dancing and up all night laughing. What more could i possibly want? COMMITMENT that's what i wanted. I wanted to be his girlfriend. Why the hell not? We got on, he pretty much lived at my place, we had date nights at mine etc etc. But my mistake was carrying on with this.  He would make me feel like i was the only one, but in a way that i couldn’t argue with. He was manipulative and very convincing i must say. But the problem started when feelings got involved. I started to  ask questions because he would confuse me. I would clean, cook, wash him clothes for him and take him wherever he wanted to go. What a MUG i was haha. Once again i was just an ordinary girl trying to win a guy over. He then got his religious beliefs involved and blamed his non committal on his beliefs. However, he had previous girlfriends and his family were nice enough to me for this to not be a problem. As time went on i started to think there was someone else, but he would always convince me otherwise. 

One evening we were out partying when he told me to go home because he didn’t want other guys looking at me. I thought this was ridiculous but i was so angry that i went home and got into bed, i just couldn’t be bothered with the drama. He came to my apartment about an hour later, screaming at me and calling me all the names under the sun. He then punched me right in the face and told me that i was a slut and asked me why anyone would want me.  I called an ambulance after he left because i couldn’t see out of my eye and i broke down severely through the coming months. I became very ill emotionally and physically and i got sacked from my job for my sickness record. I generally thought my whole life was going to be over. Luckily i have the most amazing family and friends who helped me see a brighter future. I managed to get a temporary job just to pay the bills and to my surprise met some of my closest friends there who are still my friends today. I had regular break downs, skin problems and anxieties for a long time after, and gained an awful lot of weight. But that was my final warning with men. I felt like god had thrown everything at me that he possibly could to make me realise that I needed to open my eyes understand that love is just not enough sometimes. Holding onto good times is not enough. For many months after this i would cry and miss him so much that i believed that no one would ever love me. Once again my confidence and self worth has disappeared. 

After a year, i managed to train my mind that i had the whole world at my feet and something needed to change. I met a good friend of mine who is an ex footballer and now boxer who went through depression also. He told me to read 'The secret' which i did, and my life has changed so much since then. Don’t get me wrong, i struggle some days with my mindset and i will always have a big heart so caring about others is something i do without thinking. However, i am more aware of this and i have come to realise that people love differently. I also realised that it's not worth sacrificing your own life goals for the sake of others.
My self confidence has only begun to improve over the last year when i started my weight loss journey. I knew i needed to focus on making my mind, my body and overall health a priority in my life. So i have taken the last year i am continuing this journey, to really create confidence in myself and learn to love myself before i let anyone else in.  I know that i will come across plenty of barriers in my life, but what i have already experienced has taught me a lot. The biggest lesson i have learnt through these relationships is that however much i care for someone else; they will not always mirror that. What i take from that on a relationship level, is that i know that a person is not for me if they do not support, love and grow with me as a person. If someone is so self absorbed and cannot give what they get in a relationship, then it really isn’t worth the fight in the end. 

Again, i don’t want this to sound negative, although all of these situations were unpleasant, i have become a stronger person. Now, when i get upset or someone doesn’t treat me the way i deserve, yes i cry and yes it takes me a few days to accept, but i get over it pretty quick, because after all, i only have one life and i need to make the most of it. I use the 'secret' to keep my mind in a positive state and i read a lot on the law of attraction to keep focus. If i could give anyone a bit of advice on mental challenges, it would be to always see the positive in a situation , read about the law of attraction, follow your dreams and always know that whatever you have been through, you got through and it's time to make the most of the life you have. Be grateful, always say thank you for whatever you have and remove negativity from your life. We all have scars and unpleasant memories, but we wouldn’t be us without them. 

To conclude, i am staying single forever hahaha! ONLY JOKING! i am actually getting a puppy very soon so he will be the main man in my life. As for a human man, please attend a compatability interview before proceeding LOL. I love people and i wouldn't change the people in my life for anything, but the ones i have removed have taught me lessons and i'm grateful for that so Thankyou :) Heartbreak is by far one of the most biggest mental challenges us humans will face because we love and we care for people so deeply that sometimes it's hard to see the bigger picture. Everyone keeps telling me that MR RIGHT is just around the corner and i'm starting to believe it... a little bit hehe. I just think he is stuck in a tree somewhere eating nutella and is waiting for that perfect moment to offer me a spoonful ;)

I hope this has been of interest to whoever is reading it, i wanted to share this because i know what it's like to feel alone. If you ever feel like this, pick up 'The secret'... trust me it will help.

Ciao for now

Bella 
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Booty Trend

I know what you're looking at..................MY BOOOTTTTAYYYYYYY!

Apparently it's the latest fashion craze

Apparently a big butt is beautiful

Apparently every girl wants a big booty and a small waist...

In FACT not everyone wants this, but the majority now do. Fashion followers and trend setters are bursting with booty workouts, booty enhancing clothes and if you're that serious, get yourself on the operating table for some butt fillers or wear a waist trainer 24 hours a day! .... (not a personal recommendation)

FAKE BOOTY ALERT!

CURVES ARE DELICIOUS 

The best thing about this trend is that in fact it's making woman feel empowered to show off their womanly curves and embrace them. Since forever, we have been told to love ourselves and until then noone will love us. Well thank you JLO, Beyonce and whoever else is flaunting them curves. Now it's 2017 so yes, some women have taken this to the extreme. But if your looking for a nice round bumper and a little waist, just focus on them booty workouts and work on eating a clean diet. 

I have always had this shape, but i never really noticed until i started getting compliments and male attention attracted to my extra large planet situated on my body. *FUNNY STORY* When people used to ask how i got my butt so big, i used to tell them i ate galaxy! Now yes, it's true i'm addicted to chocolate and i could blame the extra fat on chocolate, but no my big bum was not created by galaxy. My nickname to some is now Galaxy ;). However, this was when i was a lot bigger, now that i have lost weight my big bum is still there, but it's a lot more toned. This trend has definitely helped me to appreciate my curves. When i was younger everyone wanted to be a size 6 and look like a victoria secret model. Dont get me wrong, these women are beautiful, but realistically we are all not built to look to like that. The latest trend is actually helping women become more comfortable with their bodies, and it's amazing.

 

 I wanted to write this blog to let you all know that it's OK to have a big bum and in fact in medical research, if a woman carries her weight around the butt and thigh area then she is in fact medically healthier than someone who carries weight around the stomach area. So on that note i just want to share with you some of my inspirations:

Beyonce

Leona Lewis

Tamra Dae

Jlo

What absolute beauties! Tamra Dae is my fitness inspiration and if you're not following her on Instagram then do that right now! These huge celebs such as Jlo and Beyonce are so god damn beautiful. Now, if you have read about them, what they eat etc then you will know that having a personal trainer and a cook to make sure they stay on track is normal to them. However, we don't all have that luxury. But throughout my weightloss journey i have realised that with a clean diet and at least 2-3 leg and butt workouts a week, its achievable to build the booty you want and create the body you deserve. This is hard work, there's no doubt about it and even though these celebs might look like they have it easy, i can assure you that their trainers and chefs don't workout or eat for them, they still have to do the work! 

Now, dont get me wrong i am not as slender and toned as these women above, but i am well on way to achieving that and i will not ever give up on pushing myself to achieve the body i desire. So i want to share with you a typical leg day of my own. I have been given advice from fellow gym goers, personal trainers and also seen so many videos and tips on instagram and other social media platforms. Knowledge is power, and i intend to use it to my advantage.

LEG DAY FOR BELLA

Warm up on stairmaster: 10 Minutes/level 10 (skip a step if you can)

Warm up with squat Bar 1 set of 15

3-5 sets of 15 frog squats with light weight or 5 sets of heavy weight normal squats

Hamstring extensions - 3 sets of 10 single legs then 3 sets of 10 increasing weight everytime - superset this with goblet squats (Heavy Dumbell)

 

Leg Press - wide leg 3 sets of drop sets

Leg curl - 3 sets of 12 increasing weight

Walking Lunges with Weight - 3 sets of 2 laps

Donkey kicks with weighted cable - 3 sets of 12 on each leg

This is a rough workout i would do on a typical leg day, however i would switch this up and use different machines and exercises to target different muscles. Weights vary and i try to push myself as the heavier the weight, the more muscle i will build. However i am careful with this due to my back injury. I am currently building up my core for more stability.What i would say is this, get some professional help at the gym if you don't know how to use the machines or how to do an exercise correctly. I learnt the hard way and injured myself with incorrect form, so be careful and seek professional advice if you're unsure.  Also, don't be put off if your butt and legs hurt for a few days after, IT MEANS IT'S WORKING. Just stretch it out and get back on it.

I recently started doing a squat challenge which has definitely toned my butt up a treat. With light weight (30kg) i will squat for as long as i can. When i first did this i managed just over a minute. My recent personal best is over 5 minutes. Here are my last 2 times:

Setting mini challenges for myself really motivates and pushes me further than i would normally go. Everyone trains different and wants to achieve different results. Naturally i have a smaller waist and a larger butt, but if i continue losing weight and miss out the leg and booty workouts, then it's SEE YOU LATER BOOTY for me. 

If you read my blog before this, you will know about my diet and this is also important to achieving the body you desire. Around the waist and stomach area, it's even more more important to get your diet right. I must admit this is the hardest part, but again with persistence, consistency and patience, it's achievable.

Here are some links to good booty workouts you can do at home:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vSJM8Qo6-0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oas8X-kFofQ&spfreload=5

That's it for now on the Booty Trend

Ciao for now,

Bella 

xxxxxxx