Jealousy is a disease....Get well soon

'She's so beautiful' 

'Bitch please, your contour looks like my dirty wellies'

'I love your figure, you inspire me'

'Women with muscles look like men'

'Toned women are so sexy'

 What does jealousy mean? 'I want what you have'

Sound somewhat familiar? My intention of this blog, is to help women and men to understand that your body goals should be about becoming the best version of yourself, and not to fit into the social norm that everyone is striving to be, just because of the 'trend' or what celebrities are doing to create a body that's unobtainable to most people. A big problem we have today is that jealousy and admiration have a very thin line between them and I just want to express how this makes me feel and one way that we can control jealousy and turn it into something positive. Wanting what others have is normal, but creating a unique self and having your own inspirations and ambitions is important too.

In an ideal world, we would be complementing, supporting and enjoying life with the people around us. But we don't, and we are all guilty of being jealous at some point in our lives. Unless you were brought up in a confined space with no contact to social media, media and different groups of people, then I’m pretty sure you have been jealous or experienced jealousy in one way or another.

Ok. So maybe it isn’t a disease as such, but we all experience jealousy at some point and if you let it take over you... well let's just say it's not good for you or anyone around you. However, a little jealousy is healthy because it is an important emotion that lets you know that a relationship or situation needs attending to. This may be in the form of working on your own insecurities or discussing issues with a friend, partner etc. It is healthy because it offers you a chance to connect with yourself and improve on yourself.

I know that this blog will appeal more to woman as it seems to be more of an issue today between females of all ages. As social media expands and expectations increase, women are finding it hard to keep up with the trends and expectations.

The list is massive but here are some examples where jealousy is formed:

• Instagram - Women are photo shopping pictures to be 'ideal' for the audience
• YouTube - Channels focussing on the current trend, using young girls to advertise 
• Reality TV programmes showing the lives of wealthy women
• young female music groups - wearing erm...not much

Social media as a whole! - We can see everyone lives on one device - is it a true reflection of their lives though? I say women; just because I am a woman I see it every day for myself. I'm sure it has become an issue for men also. People strive for unobtainable goals. Trends change daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Woman even go to extremes to fit in with the social norm, rather than just accepting who they are and becoming the best version of themselves. The negative effect that social media has on people is creating insecurities and jealousy without a doubt.

In my experience and on my weight loss journey, I have developed a mindset that is based on becoming a better me. Yes I look at instagram models and Fitness Videos on YouTube and yes sometimes I think 'wow, she looks good, guess that works'. But when I think outside the box, I use these images and videos to inspire me and keep me motivated. But, I do have days where I lose motivation, control and a clear mindset and that's because I’m human. I accept those days because without them days I wouldn’t be able to correct myself and grow.

My shape has actually become a trend recently. A Small waist, big bum and thighs. However, when I began my journey I didn’t look to see what was on trend, I simply knew I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body and needed something to change because my confidence was low and clothes did not fit me how I wished they would. If you have read any of my other blogs, you will know that body confidence can be affected in relationships too. As expectations grow, it seems that the man’s 'ideal woman' becomes somewhat unrealistic too. For example, a recent relationship I had which didn’t go very far was in fact based on expectations. 

The guy I was seeing actually thought he was a lot better than me and when I mean a lot better, I mean he thought he could do my job with his eyes closed and I have so much free time that I clearly don't have any ambitions or life goals to work on,LOL. Yes, it hurt a lot and I had the jealousy bug when I found out he was already moving on, but coming out the other side I just realised that some people are judgemental and selfish and we don't all think the same. I've had my fair share of men who have made me feel like I’m nothing and made me feel like I’m not beautiful enough, but I’m glad I have met these men because it has made me a stronger woman. 

What I’m really trying to say is that everyone of us is unique and if you just take a few minutes a day to be grateful to be alive and realise that everything you do to improve your wellbeing, fitness, knowledge etc, will make you a better person than you were the day before. That's all that matters. We live in a world full of competition, jealousy, fear and so many other negative ways of living that if we just switched these habits to something positive we would be able to support and connect a lot better. After all, we all are born, we live our lives and then we die. So make it worthwhile.

USE YOUR GREEN EYED MONSTER AS A MOTIVATOR

 As I mentioned before, a little jealousy can be healthy in all aspects of life. In regards to body confidence, other women and self growth, it is easier to accept it when jealousy comes around. For example, recently I kept seeing the same girl at the gym that had an amazing body and I really admired her for all her hard work. I did realise I was a little bit jealous of her success, but what I did was took the emotion, admitted to myself that I had it, changed it to motivation and used my emotions to fuel my willpower. I also approached the girl at one point because I needed to use the equipment she was using and asked her how long she would be. To my surprise, she looked at me like she wanted to kill me and was extremely rude. This encounter completely changed my view of this girl, because as they say, an ugly personality can make you an ugly person. I still admire her for her hard work but it made me realise that her arrogance and attitude towards other people was a bad trait to have. I would rather be working hard on myself and reaching for my own personal goals than wasting time with the jealous emotion on someone who wouldn’t even appreciate my admiration of theirs. 

Another example of jealousy is when someone is constantly putting you down and judging your life. This places the jealousy on their head. For another person to put you down and target you in a negative way, it means they are not happy with themselves, and have their own insecurities shadowing them. So remember that, because when I’ve experienced this in the past, it's hurt me and the other person has achieved what they wanted which is for me to feel bad about myself which in turn makes them feel better about themselves. However, if it happens to me now, I use their jealousy to motivate me. Their green eyed monster will not defeat me anymore. Again, I look at what I do have; I work on my own goals and make sure that I am creating a better version of myself every day. 

So next time you feel your green eyes monster boiling up, turn the heat down and reconnect with yourself. Step outside the box and really look at why your experiencing this emotion. Work on your own goals and your own happiness because that is what is important. Use your monster to motivate you and improve yourself. When browsing social media and watching TV, appreciate the hard work that your inspirations put in to look how they do. The more you appreciate them and yourself the better you will improve your own self love. 

FOCUS ON YOU..IT'S IMPORTANT

Ciao for now,

Bella xxxxxxxx